Caroline Ciavaldini and James Pearson: climbing family

Both successful professional climbers, both The North Face athletes, both parents equally sharing child care. “Baby Steps” is the documentary that tells their story and Caroline’s choice that, in an ideal world, she should have nothing out of the ordinary

Caroline Ciavaldini is 37 years old and a professional climber. Before devoting herself to adventure climbing, she was a marvel of indoor competitions. James Pearson is her husband; he discovered climbing when he was 16 and hasn’t taken off his shoes since. Both are The North Face athletes and together they have decided to become parents. Always together they determined that the foundation on which they would build their family would be equality of parents and love of climbing. I met them as part of the Milan Climbing Expo. There Caroline presented “Baby Steps,” the docufilm in which she recounts the journey that led her to be a mother but at the same time not wanting to give up her sports life. Famous, and criticized for climbing until she was eight months pregnant, Caroline has made parental equality one of her indispensable assets. Around them revolve his life and his family. She decided to tell her story so that she could help and inspire other women.

Caroline

Were you prepared, before you became a mom, for what would happen?

From the zero moment you become a parent you realize that that will be the absolute hardest thing you will do in your entire life. You can’t really focus on everything that’s going to happen until you’re there. I am the kind of person who prepares, so I had given a lot of thought to the impact that becoming a mom would have on my life as an athlete. So James and I tried to arrive ready: we wanted to be parents, but it never crossed our minds to give up being professional climbers as well. There are plenty of models in the world to be inspired by, and we have been reading up on them. There are couples who with a newborn baby have traveled the world in a van, or families homeschooling. We tried to find ways to do what we love while having children. Our children go to normal school and kindergarten, but they do often follow us if we have to be on the road, like we are now. It’s all about balance in my opinion. Surely you have to plan to create space in your life for the children you want to bring into the world.

“Baby Steps” what message does it want to send?

There are many messages that I wanted to make explicit: I have had many friends who have been lost dealing with parenthood, and I have been there myself. The basic message then I think is that parenting is not easy, while our society tells us the exact opposite. It is hard and it is okay to feel lost for months, even years if you are a young parent. This does not mean that it is not worth it, but that it is completely normal not to feel good at the time of becoming a parent.

Do you consider yourself a feminist?

I think so. It’s just that sometimes I think people hate this word and that’s not good. I don’t feel like one of those super combative feminists, however, I know one thing: I want equality and I fight for it. As a society we have a legacy that is not fair, was not fair until very recently, and at many junctures is not fair even now. Society pushes you to think that if you are a woman, you will have to be a mom and you will have to fulfill this role better than anything else you do in life. I think a lot of this comes from the Christian tradition and in that in Italy perhaps it is even more pronounced than in France, but I have seen many of my friends thinking the same thing, more consciously or not. I myself, when I had my first child, had a moment when I just wanted to be a perfect mom and mute everything else about me. I have lived this duality for a long time. Although I thought I came prepared for the birth, I was crossed with thoughts saying, “Why don’t I let James be a professional climber and I just be a mom?” Then it happened that just being at home all day with the children and that was not making me happy, whereas if I had even an hour to go to practice I realized that I was better with them as well. However, I had to do some work on myself to convince myself that I was not a bad mom just because I was absent for an hour. Sometimes I wasn’t even physically that far away, maybe James was taking care of the children while I was in the other room. So it’s not even that I wasn’t there, but my brain simply wasn’t 100 percent focused on them. At the end of the day I think this has been good for them as well, they have become more autonomous precisely because it happens that I am not at their complete disposal.

Was it easy to convince James?

Not at all, we had many discussions. I had to push him to embrace the role of father in this way, because he comes from a very traditional family. According to the model he received, father worked, and mother took care of the children. Father also was the only one who pursued his passion: he was a rugby player-within family life. I had to educate him to behave differently, but I also had to educate myself, because I am not the image of my parents either. We both had to understand and identify the way we were raised to then make our own choices and be free to be the parents we wanted to be. It is only when you realize that it is society that is putting so much pressure on you that you become able to decide what is good for you and what is not. I know many women for whom the number one passion is family. That’s the only thing they want from life, and that’s okay. It’s different for me: I can’t think of myself as just that. Also because I wonder, if your number one passion is family, how will that make you happy for the duration of your life? My mom was a teacher and was the perfect mom, she did so much for us. always encouraged my sister and me to play sports, taking us every day after school to the activities we practiced. What happened, however, was that once we grew up and her number one passion left home, she went into depression and never recovered. I don’t want this for myself. My children certainly make me happy, but I also need to be a satisfied person regardless of them.

Have you been criticized for climbing in the eighth month of pregnancy?

Many women approached me with curiosity, asking for advice and trying to understand how I might feel or how they might do the same. There has not been a man who has come to me to criticize me, but I have had many haters on Instagram. It is an evil means. It allows people who would never have the courage to face you in person to write horrible things to you.

James

Were you prepared, before you became a father, for what would happen?

What I can say about the whole process of becoming a parent is that at some point you realize how the ideas you always had, the beliefs about how the world works, were totally wrong. I was very concerned that I would not have as much free time as when Caroline and I did not have children. I thought we would no longer be able to travel whenever we wanted, as we had always been. I was afraid that children would take away all the magic we had, the luxury of being able to decide our lives freely. The reality is that it is much better than before. We have much less time, that is undeniable, but what little we have is more valuable, so we find ways to be more efficient in everything. We acquired a lot of skills in this regard.

Do you feel you are losing steam as a climber because of being a father?

In a truly bizarre way, which I never expected, I instead became more efficient as a climber. Having less time and fewer opportunities to focus on perfect conditions makes me perform better. Now it’s no longer a matter of waiting for the best time, the sunset or the wind to die down-the only time I have is when the children are asleep and I don’t give a damn about the conditions. Incredibly this leads me to climb much better than before.

Was it easy for Caroline to convince you to share the parenting load equally?

All Caroline and I have done from minute one of our relationship is to try to be equal. But I think in this she pushed me a lot. I realize that I have a tendency to recreate the situation in which I grew up, which is certainly more traditional than how we are raising our children. My mom never worked the whole time my brothers and I were little. She was the one who cooked, cleaned and took on most of the work in the house. My father was the one who went to work, earned money and used the family’s free time to play his favorite sport, rugby. I had to learn to recognize that another model is not only possible, but that it is right because it is equal. Each of us has the same responsibility to earn money, to look after the children, to cook, to clean. Also the same time to devote to climbing. Sometimes I realize that I have a tendency to want to recreate my parents’ model, especially when we spend a lot of time with them, such as during the Christmas vacations. Caroline is the one who always brings me back in the right direction. She is the one who pushes me to look a little further and progress in my thoughts. We support each other; we are a team.

Do you consider yourself a feminist?

I believe that the word feminist is our worst enemy when it refers to a man. It sounds genuinely cringe-worthy. I try, as much as I can, to contribute to the definition of an equitable world whether it is gender, ethnicity or religion. For me, there is no reason to be treated differently. I believe that gender equality, should not be a battle fought by women only, but by women and men together. With respect to parenthood, there is a time related to pregnancy when there is little to discuss. It is obvious that the weight is perforce more shifted to the woman, and so it is normal for me today to want to unload Caroline as much as possible.

Have you received any criticism or jokes for slowing down a bit in climbing?

The really sad thing is that the only one who received criticism at the moment was Caroline. Society is still behind on this, and she is seen as the one who should be at home with the children. We talk a lot about modern families, but when a family really is one it seems strange to many.